Warning: crack, retardedness, and humorEnjoy
by anonymous-ninja13
Summary: Humor, crack, awkwardly funny situations. quick little drabble-esque things to read that brighten up your day. Or, at the least, make you laugh. Reviews MUCH appreciated
1. Chapter 1

Never ask the Fullmetal Alchemist addict…

That day, Jessie's fourth grade class was learning about the 7 deadly sins, or "the bad thingies that make peoples mean". She was quite happy to be learning about this, because her big sister had explained to her what they were. The meanings of the sins were weird, but her big sis knew everything. She waved her hand around in the air, determined to be called on. Finally, her teacher asked her, "Ok Jessie, what is envy?"

"Envy is a cross dressing, gender-confused, green haired palm tree!"

The teacher sweatdropped, along with the class.

This was so fun to write.

I thought of it in class one day, and almost cracked up in the middle of class.

Hope you liked it!

Merry Christmas


	2. Chapter 2

This has nothing to do with the last chapter,

I'm just using this story to post the random+weird ideas I have.

No, I don't own FMA, or Twilight.

Everyone thought Edward Cullen was invincible…that is until the day he met Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist. Because, before he could even make a move to attack, Roy snapped his fingers, and a giant inferno swallowed him. Edward's last thought, was 'how did he do it?' It was simple, really. Roy was undaunted by Edwards sparkliness (yes, I know that's not a word.), because he worked with a giant who gave off pink sparkles, even when he was out of the sunlight. He was unfazed by the thought of death, because his subordinate would always use him and his officers as target practice on a daily basis. And last, but not least, he was used to attacking people named Edward who had golden eyes. Yes, Edward Cullen had finally met his match.

I got sick of all the Edward Cullen fanigirls, and the whole New Moon thing.

The movie was horrible!!!

I know this was a strange chapter, it was just a strange idea I typed up.

AHAHA I KILLED EDWARD CULLEN-oh wait, that's a bad thing…

Merry Christmas!!

Please review-or flame!


	3. Chapter 3

(Peeking out from shield to protect from rabid Edward Cullen fangirls)

Wow…did NOT expect this many reviews in one day. (apparently many people want Edward Cullen dead.)

You know, I actually feel rather bad about killing EC, as I have nothing against him, I just get annoyed at Twilight-obsessed rabid crazy fangirls (and he FRIKIN SPARKLES!!!) Oh well, Alchemists pwn Vampires.

The only reason I'm updating so quickly, is cause I have no life, and it's Christmas so oh well what the heck. So yeah, don't get used to the daily updates. :)

Thanks to peaceofmindalchemist, Lord Rebecca-Sama, TurquiseStormcloud, Yancha Kitsune, AnimeIsMyAddiction, imperfectchaos, and stabbythings for reviewing! (passes out cookies)

This next chapter has NO RELATION to any scene from the manga/anime, and Dante is trying to persuade Ed to make a philosophers stone.

ENJOY~

The warehouse was abandoned, except for two shadows on the outside back wall. Behind the deserted building, a mesmerizing woman was talking softly to an angry, golden haired man. Her voice was persuasive and laden with sugar, but the boy shook his head and started to walk away.

"Make me the philosophers stone, Edward Elric, all I'm asking for is one little stone. That's all."

"It's not a stone, Dante, its human_ lives. _You expect me to KILL thousands of people just so you can live longer?"

"With it, you'll have your brother back, and your arm and leg. I can stop the homunculi from attacking you."

The boy gripped his right arm as she spoke.

"None of that MATTERS! I will never join you and your filthy homunculi, NEVER!"

But if you join us…I'll give you _cookies_."

(Pause) "Cookies?"

LATER ON

Al: "Ni-san, how could you agree!!?"

Ed: "I'm sorry Al…she knew my weakness…she offered me cookies…"

JOIN THE DARK SIDE. WE HAVE COOKIES!!!!

Sorry for the crap chapter, next one will be better. Just had to write this, I know the characters are uber OOC.

2 things I learned over the past week- why people curse at their computers, and how to make rock-like cookies...

Merry Christmas

Like it? Hate it?

Review it! Flame it!


	4. Chapter 4

GRRRRR…..I'm pissed cause only ONE person reviewed my other fanfic, Memories of Light…

This is really annoying me!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! i'm in a hurry so I won't put names, next time I will, I promise!

Anyway, here's the next chapter-A BEGINNERS GUIDE TO DEFEATING FMA CHARACTERS!!!!

Enjjoy- and I don't own nothing

A BEGINNERS GUIDE TO DEFEATING FMA CHARACTERS

How to defeat-EDWARD ELRIC

Step 1-Call him short

Step 2-While he's distracted, threaten him with milk. He will run away

ALTERNATIVELY- Go get Scar and say to him "Look! There's a State Alchemist", and let Scar deal with it.

How to defeat-ALPHONSE ELRIC

Step 1-Get a really big magnet.

Step 2-Alphonse will now be stuck to the magnet…well, he IS a suit of armor…

How to defeat-COLONEL MUSTANG (aka: Colonel Bastard)

Step 1-fill a bunch of water balloons and get a water gun

Step 2-ambush him in a dark alley with the water balloons and water gun

Step 3-He will not be able to use flame alchemy, however, be careful of Hawkeye's bullets.

How to defeat-LIEUTENANT HAWKEYE

Step 1-get a bulletproof vest

Step 2-See above, and immobilize Colonel Mustang

Step 3-There is no step three.

How to defeat-MAES HUGHES

Step 1-Threaten to burn all his pictures of Elicia. Problem solved.

Next Chapter: Defeating homunculi and other enemies

WARNING: Izze is not responsible for what happens when you follow her instructions. Whatever happens after you attack them is also not her fault. Please be careful when attacking alchemists!

I was in the shower when I thought of this…you didn't need to know that.

REVIEW OR I WILL JUMP OFF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING AND SQUISH SOMEBODY!!!!

Izze


	5. AUTHOR'S NOTE

i can't update for 2 weeks....long story why....so..I'M SORRY!!!

Just telling you, because i think you guys ought to know.

I'll have two or three chapters out when I do update, though.

Izze


	6. Chapter 5

Hey people!

I don't actually have anything to say right now….

Thanks to Lalalatala, writingdreamer13, Nellabelle, stabbythings, peaceofmindalchemist, slsgirl, and Lord Rebecca-sama, and anyone else who reviewed for reviewing! YOU ROCK!!!-and you get virtual choco-chip cookies!!!

Oh-and I don't own FMA, but I'd be happy to have Ed-and the magnet tactic belongs to the author of FMA, I just borrowed it

OH WAIT!!!!!-if you have any ideas for a chapter you want me to do, pm me, or tell me in your review!!!

This was possibly the greatest day of Edward Elric's life. This was proof that life wasn't out to get him after all. What had started out as a normal doctors appointment had truly turned into something great.

FLASHBACK

"NO! I am NOT going to the doctors office!!! They have NEEDLES!!!!!"

"Nii-san, come on, we're going to be late…"

After much kicking and dragging, Al hauled Ed to the doctors office, despite numerous escape attempts by Ed.

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

After the visit, the doctor came in to tell Ed something.

"Well Mr. Elric, we've discovered that you have an allergic reaction to a certain product."

"Which one?"

"Milk. You are officially lactose-intolerant."

The doctor was unprepared to witness his patient throwing his hands in the air and shouting "YES!!!"

END FLASHBACK

Ed smiled at the memory as they boarded the train, his automail had gotten all busted up on their last mission, and they were headed to Risembool…visions of flying wrenches flew in his head, and he shivered.

"Nii-san, are you alright?"

"Yeah, just thinking about Winry's wrench…Hey, I wonder what she'll say to me not being able to drink milk!"

A satisfied grin grew on his face as he imagined telling Winry. Al laughed, and said,

"I bet she'll make you drink it anyway."

LATER THAT DAY…

After being hit by a wrench, called short, and being yelled at for busting up his automail, Ed was still, surprisingly happy. Winry wondered if something was wrong with him, at least until she tried to make him drink his milk.

"NO I REFUSE TO DRINK LIQUID SECRETED FROM A COW!!!!!"

"DO YOU WANT TO BE SHORT, JUST DRINK THE DAMN MILK!!!!"

"I'm NOT SHORT!!! THE DOCTOR SAID I CAN"T DRINK MILK SO HA!!!"

The last statement made Winry pause.

"What do you mean the doctor said not to drink milk?"

With a smug smirk, he replied, "He said I was lactose intolerant."

He was remarkably unprepared for the evil grin growing on Winry's face.

"Um…Winry?"

She grabbed a carton out of the refridgerator, and poured the contents into a cup. It looked remarkably like milk…

"but I can't drink milk, Winry."

The evil grin grew larger.

"It's not milk, it's soymilk. Now DRINK IT!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

It seemed…that Ed was fated to drink his milk, whether it was from a cow or not.

FIN

Yes this is complete crap. I just happened to wonder what Ed would do in this situation…I thought of this at the grocery store, and I have a very weird mental picture of it….

Please review, or else I will wait another month before updating. MWAHAHAHA *Coughs violently…dies.*

R&R? please…I like reviews


	7. Chapter 6

Hello people! I was bored, so I decided to type this up. This involves more Edward Cullen abuse (I'm sorry Edward! I just love annoying the fangirls!!!), and also Ed Elric abuse. Well, not really abuse…more like using their names in an odd situation. I was inspired to write this after finding out that Twilight would be a graphic novel…and I was pissed. Look, if I offend any fangirls (for either Ed)…too bad get over it. Enjoy this chapter! And review!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I got tired of writing it, look at the chapter before.

Lila sighed, she was so frickin bored…none of her other anime-obsessed friends were in this class, and the vast majority were preppy, popular, assholes. (Note: I have nothing against nice preppy people, but some of them I thoroughly despise). Her thoughts wandered randomly to her little sister, Jessie, and the conversation at the dinner table last night. Apparently, Jessie had used her big sis's explanation of "Envy" and had been sent to the principals office. Lila had nearly burst out laughing, maybe she shouldn't talk about FMA in front of her sister anymore…nah, it was interesting to see what weird things Jess would say. A smile curved upwards on her face, her mind lost in FMA induced daydreams, when the teacher said "Okay everyone, pick a partner for the lab!" The smile immediately turned to a frown. _Crap! I don't know anyone, so I'm gonna be stuck with some retard loser! _Turning to find someone not too horribly stupid, she noticed only her and this preppy kid had no partners. _You know, the retard loser might have been better…_

This is from the preps POV…

Oh great, I got stuck with the quiet asian girl. Well, at least she's smart; I mean, she was the one who always got 100's on the math quizzes. I walked over to the lab table where all our materials were set up. She, I don't really know her name, it starts with an L, I think, was quietly pulling on an apron. She doodled a name on her paper. _Edward._ Wait don't tell me…she likes Twilight too?

LINE!!!! LINE!!!!

This is part one…part two is the actual conversation. Since I'm pretty much snowed in, part two will be finished soon…along with HOW TO DEFEAT...etc, etc. probably in a few hours, actually. Or tomorrow. What can I say, I'm a lazy bitch. Well, not really.

Anyone have a problem with me changing this fic's name to something different? Just a heads up.

ITS MY BIRTHDAY SOON GIVE ME REVIEWS FOR PRESENTS!!!!

Please?


	8. Chapter 7

YAY REVIEWS!!! Thanks to those who did!

So, anyway….I'm snowed in. therefore, I'm bored. In conclusion….I decided to write more fanfiction!

I'm surprised that so many people like this…I'm not much of a crack writer, and I do angst and complicated plots much better. (My LA teacher said that if she didn't know me, and she read this one thing I wrote…I'd be sent to the "child study team"….Well..the assignment was to make it angsty, disturbing, and insane…I was only doing what she said to do…You probably think I'm messed up now…I assure you I'm not…well, not in that sense anyway….)

Well….if you have any ideas you want me to put in, feel free to PM me!

WAIT!!!!-I'm going to devote around three chapters to a crack FMA/Alice in Wonderland crossover in the near future. Starring Ed as Alice…there will be yaoi bashing, Ed Cullen bashing, and insanity galore! (I'm still not over Twilight being made into a "graphic novel")

And without further ado….Enjoy the show!

L=Lila

FG= Twilight Fangirl

THE CONVERSATION…..(this will not go well…)

FG: You like Edward too?!

L: (blinks in surprise) Of course! Ed's so hot…and has the most _amazing _golden eyes…

FG: I know, right? He's so sexy…I'd love to go out with him

L: Me too...and he has such an angsty past, it makes him so…you know what I mean?

FG: Yeah, he gives the word "monster" a whole new meaning.

L: Only if monster means uber strong. His overprotectiveness is funny

FG: (Laughing) yeah. And how he always has to save everyone. Plus, he sparkles!

L:??

FG: Don't tell me you forgot that vampires sparkle.

L:??..Ohhhhh! You were talking about Edward Cullen! I thought you meant Edward Elric!!

This is the difference between Anime fangirls and Twilight fangirls. They both love Edward, but one likes alchemists and the other likes vampires.

I'm sorry…this is too short…HERE IS AN OMAKE TO MAKE UP FOR IT!!!!

Let me tell you a tale…of a man who tried to do what was forbidden. He flew too close to the sun, and like Icarus of legend, was condemned because of it. Through his mistakes, he lost what made him powerful, what made him respected. He had lost, but was determined to gain everything back. Though they stared at him in the street, he'd smile and keep going. Though children pointed, he ignored their wide eyes. He knew that his path was foolish, but he didn't care. For what was he without what he had lost? But sometimes, where no one could see, late at night, his mask would slip. He would shed a tear or two, remininsce of better days, and get back to work. Sorrow would get him nowhere. Tears would only slow him down. And his smile would come back, because he knew that one day he would gain back what the Truth had taken, gain back…his ability to wear pants.

Somehow…I can imagine this…Don't ask, but wouldn't it be funny?

Apologies for the shortness, Reviews please? Pleeeeaaaase(don't make me beg.)


	9. Chapter

I feel so fricking bad for not updating....but hey, I'm a bitch, deal with it.

PLEASE REVIEW...PLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAASSEEEEE

Gawd that was pathetic.....

JELLO

There was a refridgerator in Central HQ. It was generally filled with an assortment of food in various states of decomposition, from months-old-sandwich to freshly-made-pasta, and everything in between. But today, as Maes Hughes opened the refridgerator...he noticed something odd. There was a cup of red...something on the highest shelf. It looked suspiciously like....the philosophers stone.

Maes: You should probably check this out, Roy.

Roy: What could be so vitally important in a...refridgerator, Hughes?

Maes:...Just look.

Roy: *sigh* fine...*walks over* Is that....

Maes: yep. The philosophers stone. What do ya think?

Roy: Get Riza, and EVERYONE ELSE LISTENING BEHIND THE DOOR!!!!

Havoc: He caught us....

Fuery: So my theory of the secret yaoi couple was wrong...

Everyone: *STARES*

Fuery: What?

Breda: So...out...of character...

Roy: no...comment.

Maes: HOW COULD YOU THINK I WAS UNFAITHFUL TO MY DARLING GRACIA!!!!!

Roy: Shut up Hughes

Riza: Sir, what do we do about the Philosophers stone?

Roy: Send it in to investigation, I guess.

Ed: Why is everyone looking into the refridgerator?

Havoc: Ed? Why're you here? Didn't the Colonel send you on a mission?

Al: He blew up five more buildings...

Breda: Again?

Al: Yeah. And why is everyone in front of the refridgerator?

Fuery: *pointing* That.

Ed: Oh that? ok then...*picks up cup and gets spoon*

Maes: NO DON'T EAT IT!!!!!

Ed: *Spoon in mouth*...

Riza: He just ate...the philosophers stone...

*general panic*

Ed: *sweatdrop. Standing there with Al looking stupid* it's...cherry....jello....

END

Yes it was stupid. Yes I need to edit it. Yes it's late.

BUT REVIEW IT ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please!!!!!!!


	10. Chapter 9

As I still feel pretty bad about not upadating, here's the next thingy!

On a sidenote, these aren't meant to be real story-ish stories with plots, just little things that make you laugh and stare at the screen in confusion. So, yes, these will be short and sweet in case anyone was wondering.

And yes, this is a parody of the 1st chappy of my other fic.

Enjoy- and more reviews=more chapters!

so: REVIEW!

WHAT THE TRUTH TOOK

"Well hello, Mr. Alchemist. I'm sur-prised to see you again. " Ed turned his back to the Gate, his braided hair swinging around as he stared at the Truth.

"What do you want from me?"

"Well that depends, Mr. Alchemist, what do you want?"

Ed's golden eyes shone with desperation, tempered with a flicker of hope.

"My brother's body."

"Your brother's body, Mr. Alchemist? What a difficult choice. Your arm won't do, or your leg."

As he spoke, Ed's arm and leg disappeared, reappearing on the Truth, and back again. He stayed silent the whole time the Truth talked, with only a slight shiver as his limbs were erased and redrawn. He would go through worse to regain what his brother had lost, and his eyes never left the Truth. The Truth grinned.

"I know, how about your...VIRGINITY?"

Ed pauses: "...PEDOPHILE!!!!"

The Truth would have blushed, but he had no face, and he had just realized what he had said.

"I didn't mean it THAT way!!!!!"

Ten minutes later~

The Truth is in the "emo-sulking pose" in the corner of the space(room?) Ed is staring at the Truth and his eye is ever so slightly twitching.

"Look...just don't tell anyone what I said....and I'll give you the body...."

"*sweatdrop* okay...."

And that is how Edward Elric got his brother's body back.

INSPIRED BY THE PICTURE MY FRIEND DREW!!!!

Yeah, it's awkward. Don't you love it?

Btw, if it had been Colonel bastard, he would have regained his virginity :)

Like it? Hate it?

Review it! Flame it!

...No, seriously, review...I need seven reviews if I'm going to post the next chapter.

So what are you waitinng for?

PRESS THE REVIEW BUTTON!!!! NOW!!!!


	11. Chapter 10

meh. I only got five reviews but what the hell. BUT THIS TIME I'M SERIOUS. Seriously.

As someone asked when I would be posting the things I said I would post, I felt the need to clarify myself on my update style.

Just because I say I will do a certain update doen't mean I will do it immediately, as I;m trying to get my best crack to post here-and if I force it it turns into SHIT-not crap!

But eventually everything I promise to put up will be updated...eventually.

And without further ado...

######

HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE A FMA ADDICT!

1. Chemistry is your favorite class. Why? Because it's the closest thing on earth to alchemy!

2. You bought a pocketwatch. And now when you're caught doing stuff you're not supposed to be doing you pull it out and tell them "I'M A STATE ALCHEMIST! I HAVE MORE AUTHORITY THAN YOU!"

3. You like fire...and matches...and FLAMES!

4. You snap your fingers and pretend to burn people you hate. Meanwhile they stare at you snickering with a puzzled expression on their face.

5. If someone calls you short, you respond with either "Not as short as Ed!" or "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALLER THAN A BEAN!"

6. You started laughing when your science teacher explained the Force=MassxAcceleration formula-F=MA! And then the rest of the class looked at you strangely.

7. When playing 'rock, paper, scizzors' you clapped your hands and explained calmly that they were now enclosed in a giant stone fist. Alternatively, you snapped your fingers and explained that they were burned into a crisp and therefore, you win.

8. You run away from milk. Enough said.

9. You hit people with wrenches.

10. You've bought a water pistol and spraypainted it black. Now you shoot it at unsuspecting dogs and men.

11. You exclaim "OMG ARMSTRONG!" whenever you see an Edward Cullen poster

12. You have a shirt that says 'TEAM EDWARD...ELRIC"

13. You drew a blood seal on your hand. When it washed off, you screamed "NOOOOOOO I'M DYING!"

14. You cut off your arm and got it replaced with a prosthetic that looked curiously like automail...DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS!

15. Your summer project is this: Resurrect Hughes with human transmutation!

16. You got sent to the phychiatrist for drawing the human transmutation circle on your driveway...and trying to sacrifice your little sister. When caught, you explained your actions by saying "But mom/dad, Hughes is _Hughes_!"

17. When eating red jello, if someone asks you what you're eating, you reply "human souls. Duh."

18. When asked what the seven sins are, you procede to disturb the questioner with your lengthy explanation about palm trees, 'ultimate shields' and 'Father'

19. When someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up, you reply, A. State Alchemist! or B. Homunculus!, or C. FUHRER OF AMESTRIS!

20. And then if you answered C, you got sent to the phychiatrist. Again.

21. You liked studying WWI and WWII. They reminded you of Ishbal!

22. When you see an Asian person, you ask "Are you from Xing?"

23. You have a secret theory that Orochimaru is related to Ed. Hey,the eyes match, don't they!

24. You like apple pie!-of course if you didn't like it, I;d have to kill you.

25. You procede to go on a "search for the philosophers stone". In your backyard. And fail miserably.

26. You try to convince people to convert to "Edward Elricism" The religon that believes God looks like Ed.

27. Or Royism.

28. You got sent to the phyciatrist for making up a religon. FOR THE THIRD TIME

29. Your phychiatrist started reading FMA, simply because you kept ranting on and on about it.

30. At school/work, you are known as the "resident Crackpot Alchemist", because of your ranting.

31. Being called that actually makes you happy.

32. You actually read this list.

33. You decided to _make_ a list.

####

I think 33 is good enough for now. Apologies if you don't think this is all that funny.

REVIEW DAMMIT!

i need SEVEN more reviews to update.

I'm not asking that much, am I?


	12. Chapter 11

heh heh...I got exactly seven reviews LOL.

btw, much of the last chapter was insprired by my crazy friends and our lunchtable conversations.

Oh yeah, and ressurecting Hughes is my summer project! Except I'm not sacrificing _my_ sister...

I'm sacrificing my _friends_ sister!

Jk people, don't call the cops on me. Or the phsyciatrist. Please?

And anyone have any ideas on what you guys want to see in the next chapters?-I'm running out of ideas...

And here is...THE NEXT CHAPTER-holy shit I'm terrified.

IMPORTANT: Listen to the song Human by the Killers before reading it. just go on youtube or something.

######

I did my best to notice  
When the call came down the line  
Up to the platform of surrender  
I was brought but I BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM

And sometimes I get nervous  
When I see Winry with wrenches  
Close your eyes, brace yourself,  
Hit Ed's head

Are we human or are we homunculi?  
My tattoo is awesome, my hands are real...  
And I'm on my knees killing people...  
Are we human or are we homunculi?(A/N go look up prideEd if you don't get it. he's basically Ed as a homunculi)

Pay my respects to Hughes and Envy  
Send my condolences to Ishval  
Give my regards to Pride and Wrath  
They always were really annoying...

And so long to Izumi  
You taught me everything I know..._Even though you hit me_..._a lot..._  
Wave goodbye, wish me well  
You've gotta let me run...away.

Are we human or are we Armor?  
My bloodseal is erasing, my hands are metal  
And I'm on my knees cause my feet fell off...  
Are we human or are we Armor?

Will your automail be alright  
When you transmute it tonight?  
There is no (philosophers)stone we're receiving  
Guess that means I'll take your hearing(A/N this is Truth talking, fyi)

Are we homunculi or are we palm tree?  
My hair is green, I'm a crossdresser  
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer..  
_(Am I a girl or am I a boy?)_

You've gotta let me know  
Are we human or are we monster?  
I never age...I left my sons  
And my wife died while I was away  
Are we human or are we monster?

Are we human or are we monster?  
Are we human or are we monster?

END!

Yay! It's done! Apologies if you hate this, it was a random spur-of-the-moment thing.

Hopefully you know who's talking...

RIGHT!

THIS TIME I NEED 8 REVIEWS TO UPDATE!

and i am very serious...SO GET REVIEWING! XD


	13. Authors noteTHE HORROR

…Right. Let us pretend that I did not just desert you for six-ish months and have not a single excuse except for a new school and atrociously awful writers block, which still has not entirely vanished and I have no real story ideas and this isn't even a real update.

…Let us pretend that you do NOT want to murder me right now.

Anyway, this is just a heads up that the next chapter could possibly use some of your input, and trust me, this works out in your benefit.

Tell me any part of the twilight series, HP series, or any other fairly well known book that you want me to rewrite with FMA characters. The longest I'll write is maybe five pages, and be warned, it will be CRACKIFIED BEYOND YOUR IMAGINATIONS. If no one sends any requests, then I'll pick random parts and characters (I've already got some ideas), but if there's anything you really want to see, TELL ME IN A REVIEW.

The more specific you get, the better, but I'll work with what you give me. I'll write any pairing, yaoi, or het, and fyi, this will NOT be romance, friendship, or angst. THIS WILL BE CRACK. AND EVERYTHING WILL BE CRACKIFIED.

Anyway, the offer's open until Monday before thanksgiving, at midnight. New chapter will be posted on the Saturday after.

Remember, the more situations you send, the longer and awesome the chapter'll be.

….And I'm really sorry for not updating in so long…*ducks flying knives*


End file.
